In my counselling work the question of trust arises often.
It could be between life partners; a parent and their child, or it could be in regard to business agreements or between colleagues. It is a word which is used often but poorly understood.
Many a person has angrily stated they want the person in whom they have lost trust to demonstrate beyond doubt they are worthy of being trusted again. They say they will not trust them again until they do. Unfortunately, this is not possible and shows a failure to truly understand what trust is.
Following is a dictionary definition which sheds some light on the subject.
“Trust is to believe that something is true although you have no proof”
There are a number of other definitions along the same lines, what is common amongst them is the concept that it is belief that underlies trust. What this means is that trusting someone is actually an act of faith. Trust is impossible to prove and easily destroyed.
Whilst we can act in a manner which might encourage someone to choose to extend trust to us, there is nothing we can do to absolutely guarantee we will never do anything to damage or break that trust. It is entirely up to them whether to believe us or not.
I have heard adolescents who have been grounded say to their parents, “How am I going to prove I can be trusted if you don’t let me go out so that I can show you I am trustworthy?”
The truth is they have a point, as troubling as that may be for a caring parent. Partners have said they don’t know if they can ever trust again when
their loved one has broken their trust.
When the chastened and guilty other asks what they have to do to gain trust again, they are often told they don’t know.
Trust is an act of faith which is a gift to the other, when withheld it is the effective end of the relationship, even if the couple stay together.
When the gift of trust is given, it is the beginning of the healing and strengthening process.
Remember there is no way someone can absolutely prove they can be trusted; it is up to you whether you wish to extend this gift to them or not- but know you can’t have a healthy and successful relationship unless and until you do.
